- noun – a large cup, typically cylindrical with a handle and used without a saucer.
- British, informal – a stupid or gullible person.
I have a sick love for Pinterest and Buzzfeed.
So, when I saw a particularly pin-able Buzzfeed craft article, you can imagine my joy. There may or may not have been squealing. I can neither confirm nor deny that.
‘Here’s How To Make Easy DIY Marbled Mugs‘ says Caroline Emiller.
Look at her! Look at how flipping wholesome and adorable her face is! Look at how pretty that mug is! So pink! So cute!
Caroline’s video goes for less than a minute, and is backed by jingle-jangle stock music. Naturally this led me to assume I can complete the task without swearing or making a complete flipping hash of it…
HA! or…as the kids say ‘LOL’*
*Do kids still say that? I don’t know, I’m getting old.
Follow me as I make a tit of myself trying to replicate a ridiculously simple project.
Let’s get started
You will need:
- 1 x mug
- 1 x take away food container (“just one?” you ask, incredulously staring at the tower of them in the back of your cupboard)
- Water – to go in the take away container
- 1 x newspaper (because you’ve promised not to make too much of a mess)
- 1 x inflated sense of your capacity to complete crafternoon tasks
Set your supplies out in an aesthetically pleasing way. Remember, the most important thing about arts and crafts is displaying your genius on the internet.
Pour a whole bunch of nail polish into the water. How much? Who knows!
Panic – because there is nothing more stressful than this instruction:
Jam your mug in the nail-polishy water.
Set your mug on the newspaper you prepared earlier and marvel at the giant mess you’ve made.
Decide you’ll try to rectify the situation by layering different colours on top.
Throw a tantrum.
Decide you’ll use them despite their heinousness.
Make a cuppa in one and pretend you can’t taste the nail polish when you’re drinking it.*
*I know what nail polish tastes like because my mum always told me to lick it to test if it was dry on my fingers. How I made it to my late twenties, I will never fully understand.
There you have it. You too can make a tremendously unsafe mug. Try not to die in your pursuit of DIY excellence!
Step Eleven (Optional)
Start to feel like you might be dying of nail-polish death.
Go to bed and watch True Detective, because Matthew McConaughey is the cure for all that ails us.